第一次看这部电影是4年前了,还把其中最喜欢的那段chris和aaron的雪中对话截下来带到学校和朋友看,两人相吻时使劲傻笑。后来整部电影上下看了不下5次,但是今年以来却是没有再碰过了,在豆瓣上留下了五星评价,也不知道具体欣赏的是什么。电影的真实面在我如今真正到了la,经历过了之后,才显得格外真实。chris原本就是los angeles成千上万的美丽男人中的一个。穷酸的工作,但是身材满分相貌满分,肤浅,以性为爱,成日乱交,可以和陌生人做爱但是睡在一起却成为了“过于亲密”的一件事。对于他,一个演员的八卦大于任何信仰,性只不过是你我之间的小小乐趣,不需要证明或象征任何的什么。aaron,影片中夸大为了一个内心深藏着自己最不堪秘密的摩门传教士。他在la遇到了chris,以为自己可以把自己的秘密交付给他,却没有想到对于chris,自己只是一个50美金的赌注。他在chris面前暴露了自己,却发现这是自己这辈子做过的最愚蠢的事情。他把自己暴露了这样的一个行走着的花朵,内心却什么都没有,只是腐朽的空乏。电影自然还是轻松的。chris在被aaron训斥之后,开始自省,发现自己是怎样一个肤浅而无知的存在。他开始意识到作为一个同性恋,能拥有的不只是性,一切不是那么简单而低俗的。一次阴差阳错,两个的第一次接吻被其他的传教士看到,aaron被遣送回家。chris追随他到了机场。两人在雪中的对话是这样的:Christian: God, I hate the snow. Aaron: What are you doing here? Christian: I came after you. How could you leave without saying anything? Aaron: It's not my choice. I'm being sent home in shame. And I'm probably gonna be excommunicated. Christian: For just a kiss? Don't get me wrong, it was a nice kiss but come on. We didn't even get to use our tongues. Aaron: You wouldn't understand. Christian: I'm sorry, I'm not... I'm not very good at this. See, I've never made a fool out of myself in front of anyone before. But I've never felt this way before about anyone in my entire life. Aaron: What for me, some guy you can't have. And then next week you're gonna be on to your next conquest? Christian: But what if you're not? Huh? What if everything in my entire pathetic life, which I happen to love, has led to this point right now? What if, what if you're the blinding light in the middle of the road that, that strikes me like the guy in, in... Aaron: The Bible? Christian: Yeah, him. Aaron: Paul? Christian: Yeah. And what if everything's changed like that? And lions lay down with lambs and colors mix with whites. What if you're the one that I've been waiting for my whole life and I let you go? Aaron: You have no idea what I'd be giving up. Christian: Dammit! What is wrong with you? You want revelations engraved in gold and angels trumpeting down from heaven. What if this is it instead? Me telling you I love you. Right here - in the snow. I think that's pretty miraculous. But if you don't, I... I'll... I'll go. You can pretend that this was just some coincidence. You can pretend that there wasn't some reason that we met, and that you're sorry I ever walked in your life. [Christian walks to the door, but it won't open] Christian: God, I hate the snow! [Aaron grabs him and gives him a passionate kiss] 两人最终经过很多波折(自杀之类的情节)最终走到了一起。我不吃欢喜结局这一套,但好歹中间有看到哭,所以也就勉强地含糊说声好啦好啦你们就在一起吧。 这是一部很真实的电影。在如今的la,尤其是west hollywood这样的地区,10个男人里7个gay2个bi,1个直男也肯定和男人有过一腿。世界各地的gay蜂拥来到这里,因为他们认为自己可以被包容,可以像“正常人”一样生存在这里。初衷是好的,但多少年后的现在,这里成为了世界上最大的同志妓院。有多少人真正有过一段真实,超越肌肤深入内脏骨髓的感情? 他们认为这不重要了。你可以在这里任何一家咖啡馆,餐厅,便利店看到可以登上details封面的美男子,你只要相貌对得起大众,天天在健身房待上几个小时,你就可以和他们上床。你不需要考虑什么relationship,什么情情爱爱。你只要在上床前称赞对方,下床后留下个号码就够了。这么的简单,这是一个公式。但是如果你想要的不是这些美丽的浮躁,而是能够感动自己,给自己的人生留下印记,无论美好或者伤痛的印记,那么必定是辛苦的。你要面临的也许不会是aaron一般的遭遇。但是现实与期待的落差,孤独,和自我的质疑是必定会经历的。 写下这些之前的几个月, 我已经经历过了这样的一段关系,今天之前,我还在质疑自己的选择。 我可以轻易地把自己套进那个公式,删除我ipod里现有的后摇滚与jazz而放入madonna,lady gaga,把每晚阅读的时间花在健身房。 但是今天,这一刻,这样的一部电影警醒我,我要坚持自己的选择,而有一天,老天啊,我希望有这样的一天我也可以有他们一样的美好结局。
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