死侍

严重剧透！！！不喜勿入！！！Time to make the chimi-fuckin'-changas. 今天有空，把能想到的梗都在这里汇个总，大致无非基本上也就是一些屎尿屁、电影音乐等流行文化的东西。Haters Gonna Hate, OK, here we go.死侍破脸的n种说法:like I got bit by a radioactive Shar-Pei. 像被受过辐射的沙皮狗咬过一样You look like an avocado had sex with an older more disgusting avocado. 你看起来就像牛油果跟另一个更老更恶心的牛油果在做爱Your face is the stuff of nightmares.你的脸会让人做噩梦Like a testicle with teeth.像是长了牙的睾丸Because you look like Freddy Krueger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah. 因为你看起来就像《猛鬼街》里的弗莱迪克鲁格，用脸干了犹他地质图to fix this butterface. 去把这张丑脸治好 （butterface - "but-her-face" - 俚语，相当于 “贝多芬”，转身鬼见愁）音乐/电影梗：I'm about to do to you what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late 90s.我要像软饼干乐队在90年代后期毁掉音乐那样毁掉你。Like, a Yakov-Smirnoff-opening-for-the-Spin-Doctors-at-the-Iowa-State-Fair shit-show. 就像雅科夫思美洛在爱荷华州博会上为Spin Doctors做暖场演出那种灾难Make It Big is the album that George and Andy earned the exclamation point. 《使其出名》是乔治和安迪为乐队挣到感叹号的专辑and I'm gonna boom-box "Careless Whisper" outside your window.我会在你窗外播放《无心快语》的CDNothing compares to you. Sinéad O'Connor, 1990. 没什么可与你相比，西尼德奥康娜，1990年I had a Liam Neeson nightmare.I dreamt I kidnapped his daughter.Hey, they've made three of those movies. At some point you have to wonder if he's just a bad parent. 我做了个噩梦，里面有连姆尼森。我梦到我绑架了他女儿。那个系列他们拍了三集，那让人觉得他就是个坏爸爸。Let us go talk to the Professor.McAvoy or Stewart?These timelines are so confusing. 我们去跟教授谈谈吧.麦卡沃伊还是斯图尔特？这些时间轴真让人迷惑You ever see 127 Hours? Spoiler alert. 看过《127小时》吗？我要剧透了喔 （死侍自戕）Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. 《神啊，我是玛格丽特》 （还是死侍自戕：因为书里的主角第一次来月经，面对大量经血，所以死侍用了这个梗）And please don't make the super-suit green or animated. 还有别做绿色的或是动画的紧身服 (吐槽小贱贱当年演过的烂片绿灯侠）Oral fixation... or just a big Stallone fan? 口欲滞留还是史泰龙粉？ （因为“天使”咬着火柴，而龙哥经常在大银幕上咬着一根鸡尾酒棍）You're gonna leave me all alone here with less-angry Rosie O'Donnell? 你要让我跟没什么性格的罗茜奥唐纳独处？giving Meredith Baxter-Birney a Dutch oven. （Dutch oven指的是你跟某人一起躺在床上，你放屁之后把被单罩在TA头上强迫TA闻屁）AGENT SMITH 史密斯特工 （黑客帝国梗，不用多说）pretty sure Robin loves Batman too 我相信罗宾也爱着蝙蝠侠。（嗯，我也信）You ever heard David Beckham speak? 你听过大卫贝克汉姆说话吗？ It's like he mouth-sexed a can of helium. 就像他刚跟一罐氦气口交过一样You think Ryan Reynolds got this far on his superior acting method? 你以为瑞安雷诺兹走到今天是靠他高超的演技吗？Have fun at your midnight showing of Blade II. 希望你享受你《刀锋战士2》的午夜场PEOPLE - SEXIEST MAN ALIVE! HUGH JACKMAN 《人物》–世上最性感的男人！休杰克曼Ronnie Milsap! 朗尼米尔塞Ripley, from Alien 3!《异形3》里的雷普利！it does rhyme with "Polverine." 那跟“金刚郎”押韵Say the magic words, Fat Gandalf. Go cast a spell. 道歉，肥甘道夫。去施展魔法吧FEIGE'S FAMOUS PIZZA 费吉驰名批萨 （貌似这里是向漫威工作室的凯文费吉致敬）Voltron: Defender of the Universe 战神金刚 five mini lion-bots come together to form one super-bot 五个小机器狮能合体成为一个超级机器人Just ride a bitch's back, like Yoda on Luke. Star Wars jokes. Empire. 就像尤达大师骑在卢克背上。《星战》梗、《帝国反击战》（此时的床上，贱贱正从背后抱着凡妮莎）It's a big house. It's funny that I only ever see two of you. It's almost like the studio couldn't afford another X-Man.这房子可真大，有趣的是我只见到你们两个.就跟电影公司请不起另一个X战警一样因为瑞安雷诺兹是加拿大人所以影片里有几个枫叶国的梗：rookie sensation Wade W. Wilson out of Regina, Saskatchewan 来自萨斯喀彻温里贾纳的新秀韦德威尔逊Regina rhymes with fun. 里贾纳跟vagina押韵啊Canada! 死侍杀得性起，大呼一声“加拿大”！其他杂七杂八的废话：I never carry a wallet when I'm working. It ruins the lines of my suit. 我工作时从不带钱包不然会破坏我的紧身服的线条Rich Corinthian leather. 豪华科林斯皮革（死侍在车里跟人打架时头被顶在前面的皮座椅背后所说的台词）I give a guy a pavement facial, it's because he's earned it. 要让人表演恶狗吃屎，是因为他罪有应得 （pavement facial指拖着脸贴着地的对方走）we are like really fucked up tooth fairies...except we knock out the teeth and take the cash.我们就像是变态牙仙只是我们打掉人家的牙并收钱I give you a Blow Job. 这就是你要的“口交” (这里是双关，其中之一的意思是以下的鸡尾酒）All right, Kahlua, Baileys and... whipped cream. 好了，卡鲁哇咖啡酒、百利甜酒以及发泡奶油。I don't take the shits. I just disturb them. （这里借用了shit-stirrer的习惯用法，意思是我就是根搅屎棍）I'm living to 102. And then dying. Like the city of Detroit. 我会活到102岁，然后奄奄一息，就像底特律市一样 （吐槽破产的底市）What's a nice place like you doing in a girl like this? 你这样的地方在这样的女孩搞啥鬼？chicken noodle 鸡汤面 (吐槽“黑后”穿的X特警紧身服的颜色）上次忘了说的三俗梗：The whole world tastes like Mama June after hot yoga 否则整个世界会充满做过热瑜伽的肥妈妈的气味（肥妈妈是电视剧Here Comes Honey Boo Boo里的人物）What does Miss Mama June taste like?肥妈妈的气味是怎样的？Like two hobos fucking in a shoe filled with piss 就像两个流浪汉操装满尿的鞋子#driveby. 臭屁车开过 (死侍在公寓里走过盲人老太婆，一边放屁一边说)Like you've been pitching, not catching. 看来你是小攻，不是小受 （借用棒球术语）上次说过的一些三俗梗在这里： http://www.weibo.com/p/1001603940113863339519

漫威又来捞金了，看惯了慈悲为怀的superhero？来一发特别的。《死侍》讲述的是某个自带吐槽功能的癌症男，被改造成超级英雄的故事。你以为这就是全部了？No!这个英雄和别人家的不一样，同样拥有超级能力的死侍要比漫威其他的超级英雄贱多了！而且，也丑多了…..如果非要来形容有多丑的话，那就是“就像一只牛油果上了一只更老的牛油果”、“弗雷迪克鲁格搞了犹他州地图”或者“长了牙的蛋蛋”？总之，改造后的死侍，真是丑得让人过目难忘（PS：我再也不吃牛油果了）......不过，丑归丑，这个英雄的能力还是不丑的，甚至是吊炸天了。影片中不乏暴力、血腥、色情等种种抓眼球的因素，更有死侍一枪爆三颗头的血腥画面......除了贱，死侍还有个颠覆传统英雄角色的反传统设定：不负责任。超人是以拯救世界为己任的，而死侍的拯救更像是闹着玩儿的。通过死侍画的简笔画可以看出，对他来说，拯救世界什么的就是打败坏人而已，手段不重要。所以执行任务过程中表现随意，即使受伤也满不在乎。他甚至还有心情调笑，“你或许在纳闷我怎么穿了件红色的衣服？因为这样坏人就看不到我流血了”，随后手指其中一名坏人“这家伙知道是什么意思，他穿了棕色的裤子！”言下之意是，穿棕色裤子就算被吓出翔了也不会被发现......呵呵......预告片可以看出，死侍是不吐槽会死星人。在被改造前强调“只要你保证把我弄得潮一点，这样其他人才想睡我”，还顺带吐槽了下绿灯侠。除了话唠和长得丑，这位恶棍英雄其实挺带感的，《死侍》也蛮值得期待哒！虽然那万年眼白和红色外衣真是和蜘蛛侠有的一拼啊......